The One That Came First


All good questions, my friends. And possibly to receive answers, in due time. Be patient or something. I promise I’ll put out. Well, depending on your definition. Anyway.

I’m stone!

I’m a lot of other stuff, as well, but let’s start there.

Stone’s a term which most people don’t recognize to mean anything other than made of rock. It carries a whole lot of meaning in certain groups, though. It has quite the history in the Butch/Femme community, and among those trans men with their roots in that scene. So, part of being Stone remains a cultural identity.

A cultural identity I really don’t fit. I am a trans man, but I didn’t start my journey in the dyke community. I’m much, much more of a fag. And honestly, though I’m technically transmasculine, I’m not very, you know, masculine, and that’s a large part of what being a a Stone Butch is.

Stone is a sexual identity as much as a cultural one, though. And the sexual part is what I’m here to talk about.

Some who is Stone prefers not to receive direct stimulation during sex, and instead like to focus on their partner’s pleasure. What limits each someone puts on sexual interactions varies quite a bit. Some common variations are no penetration, not genital penetration, no genital contact whatsoever, and no erotic contact with the genitals or the chest. And a lot of Stone folk’s rules are subject to change.

The reason someone is Stone also vary pretty wildly. For me, a part of it is definitely my gender dysphoria, but a much larger part is neurological. I’ve got some form of High-Functioning Autism, and one of my symptoms is sensory defensiveness. Simply put, even if I didn’t find the fact I have a cunt at all rather off putting, I would still find contact with it uncomfortable and surreal, even physically painful at times.

The idea that someone might not find genital stimulation not just a pleasant but a necessary aspect of sex is completely foreign to most people. How could you not want to get off? If you love someone, why wouldn’t you want them to touch you? Most people assume Stone sexuality is born of shame, of body issues, feminazism, or internalized misogyny. That anyone who is Stone is an abuse victim or otherwise broken. Well, guys, we’re not. Yeah, we fuck differently than you fuck. But so does everybody! The range of sexual expression is really fucking broad, and Stoneness might be more different from the way you do sex than some other variations, but, trust me, there are things that are even differenter.

And, you know what? That diversity is pretty fucking awesome. And I have a lot to say about it. Hence the blog.


~ by onetiddlyridley on February 11, 2011.

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