The One Where Someone Was Wrong On The Internet

I’ve just read yet another post defaming the entirety of Stone sexual expression. It seems there are far more pages calling us dysfunctional, claiming we’re ashamed of our bodies, that we’re delusional about our genders and what our bodies symbolize, that we’re all broken victims of abuse, that we hurt our partners by denying them contact with our genitals like it’s their fucking inalienable right, than there is anything informative or affirming.

Well, fuck that! You know something? For some people, stoneness does arise out of a search to reconcile their bodily dysphoria with their sexual desires, or to reclaim autonomy after some sort of violation. That is not unhealthy! That isfinding a way to be healthy and to heal from the shit life has thrown on you.

You know what else? Not all of us are dysphoric. Not all of us are victims of abuse. Not all of us who are either of the above are ashamed.

I’m not ashamed of my body. I just don’t identify with it. I don’t have a substantial enough connection between it and my mind, which, for me, is the important part, for it to even be worth it.

I’m not ashamed of my sexuality. I fucking adore my sexuality. A substantial part of my sexuality is giving more of a shit about my really nifty brain than my spectacularly derpy nerve endings. Another part is getting to enjoy and explore my partner’s body without having to drag them through the agonizing trial and error of looking for a way they can touch my genitals and have it actually feel good, only to ultimately fail.

And, yes, some people do find it upsetting to not be allowed to manipulate their partner’s junk. But compromise is a natural part of any relationship, and a partner who isn’t Stone should not be allowed to invalidate our form of sexual expression just because theirs is more common.


~ by onetiddlyridley on March 11, 2011.

2 Responses to “The One Where Someone Was Wrong On The Internet”

  1. “The stone lesbian limits or excludes her lovers touch/love making, especially around her breast and pussy.”

    Wow. This seems to be the core of the argument, and it completely glosses over how EVERYONE limits or excludes their lovers touch/love making, whether because they’d like to do specific things that you don’t, or just because you’re not into it right now. Limiting what your lover wants is one of the most fundamental mechanics of sex.

    And the arrogance of that ending. When will people realise that their five minutes of thinking about an identity don’t allow them to state for a fact that it’s unhealthy?


  2. I read this on fetlife when you first posted it, and I liked and agreed with what you had to say then. I still do, of course.
    But another thought has occurred to me, as to why discounting stone sexual identity is *extra* sketchy, even beyond some other forms of closed mindedness regarding sexual orientation and preferences:
    Claiming that not wanting to be sexually touched is unhealthy is a blatant violation of everyone’s right to say “no.”
    To say that stone people (or, for that matter, asexuals) “hurt [their] partners by denying them contact with our genitals” isn’t just discriminatory and offensive, it’s fucking sick, and potentially condones or encourages coercive or forced sexual contact.

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